march 11th, 2021.
my day was already at the summit of a very pleasant happiness just because of the amount of spoilers i saw when i woke up. i didn't even know that today was going to be the first day of this diary, but starting it means that i'm writing for an era that is starting as well and i couldn't be happier for that.
bambi reminds me of the fairytale bambi, and the fact that it's an acronym for born-again middle-aged biker is a delightful antithesis. baekhyun can be both. this time, he chose the mature and sensual biker who is melancholically under the rain (and i wish i could give him tiny kisses just like the raindrops). actually, he is a hot biker with a face and heart that came out of a fairytale. he makes me see heaven through the alluring veil of warm intensity that he emanates from his essence to my skin even if he is under the rain. the antithesis is everywhere because he is everything.
and let me say the rain and night reached a weak and intimate spot in my heart because these are the two things i love the most. it may be small but seeing him related to things that i like warms my heart so much.... too emotional, i know. poor are those who don't overflow.
so many things happened at the same time that i felt seriously disoriented — gentle reminder that this is only the first day — but it’s that inner mess because you’ve come across something so wonderful that it embraces your profane and sensitive senses. everything that has been showed to us until now is connected and hiding beautiful meanings. it’s promising. it’s the first glimpse of a masterpiece.
i can't wait to see the ocean where all of this will debouch. seeing how baekhyun is waiting for us with pure pride and excitement to see everything he brought life to... there's nothing else i could ask for. i'm proud of things i haven't even seen because i trust the genius mind that worked so hard, diligently, with love and putting his all on every step. he deserves all the praises and i'm ready to give mine.
with love, sarah.
march 15th, 2021.
i say how covered with genuine despair the first days of a new era — when we are still in the dark about when the next content will be released — are every comeback. it's actually funny how we feel extremely needy for the teaser schedule so we can have a date to be nervous about. it’s whispering how much i want you to coordinate my butterflies and tell them when they should agitate for you. i don't think i am that vulnerable with anyone else, but i do love being entirely between your fingers.
the close relationship between the days and the weather impressed and excited this heart so much. a smile is drawn on my face whenever the degrees and symbols indicative of clouds cross my mind because it was such an original, creative idea. it was so nice. as if the clouds were walking with us to see the summit of everything, the summit of a masterpiece to be discovered under every crescent shade of gray that paints the sky throughout the days to come.
all of this will not debouch in an ocean, but in a beautiful and powerful storm.
by the way, black&red is the sexiest combination i know and the fact that it will be the palette for this era is still reverberating in me. they echo the dangerous sensuality of maturity in a way that the other colors would feel intimidated. bambi is the dark rebirth of a man who reached his 30s and has nothing to lose but will do everything to seduce.
how daring. i can't wait to drown in this alluring storm.
with love, sarah.
march 20th, 2021.
the rays of sunshine that welcomed me when i woke up huddled and froze in my stomach while i waited for the mood sampler. i didn't feel so nervous since kyoongcon, honestly. with baekhyun, the predominant thought is that the only thing you can predict is that the magnificence of what you are waiting for is something you actually can't predict. neither stand. and loving the undiscovered is just wonderful, because it's a love shaped by the trust in his indubitable magnificence.
with my simplest and most sincere words, i'm so in love with the video. i wish i could repeat that countless times until everyone understands how amazed i am. i wish i could dissert about every detail in the middle of my numb state and somehow try to explain the ineffable. everything is so beautiful and in this term i really include every single thing.
thoughout the day, i saw many people trying to interpret the mood sampler and i realized that it really does seem to have something to say. a visual art that shows meanings it's up to you to put in words — that's what i think. the video is an abstract piece that painted the nuances of this era in such beautiful colors, visuals and scenarios. the pleasant aesthetic is so intriguing and interesting that you just want to watch it over and over. not to mention the groovy instrumental melting me while i get lost in how breathtaking baekhyun is. holy shit.
this is the maturity chapter. and witnessing his growth as a man and as an artist being turned into art is a delightful experience of fascinating details. yes... i think i only understood the true meaning of this word today.
and ah, may i will survive tomorrow as well.
with love, sarah.
march 21st, 2021.
today, i saw that balloon boy again. but he looked more mature since the last time. the room he was in was full of stuffed animals, but he wore adult and elegant clothes. maybe the line between youth and adulthood is really a fine one.
i think that boy grew up. and so did my love.
the concept is so interesting! the way i interpreted it, every element of the room speaks of a beautiful aesthetic that represents the mixed mentalities of this phase of transition. and even if i am wrong, i like how the photos nevertheless aren't empty. they make me want to find a meaning for them because they do seem to have one, just like a work of art in a museum asks to be contemplated.
to be honest, baekhyun looked like a successful ceo who i would humbly like to ardently kiss someday. i stared at the photos for 4 minutes straight with my jaw dropped because his beauty was so pure and fascinating that i — once again — felt as numb as my notebook that struggled to load all the teasers. and i don't blame it. we both were caught in his spell.
i'm also so in love with the clothes baekhyun wore. he looked like a breathtaking muse dressed in elegance — an alluring enchantment only possible because he is the model that can take every adornment at its finest. black was made for you, byun baekhyun.
i rested on happiness today, the one that seems like a daisies camp that draws involuntary smiles all over your heart that you don't even know where they come from. i just can relate them to your name and how much the preparatives for you comeback are as bright as the artist. thank you so much for making me happy, baekhyun... i hope you are happy as well.
if we were laying on the same bed right now, drunk praises would leave my lips as i whisper your splendor with my sleepy and vulnerable sincerity. my most beautiful afflatus, i can't wait to see you tomorrow.
with love, sarah.
march 22nd, 2021.
i've always found the way our body speaks as interesting as the sincerity of what it expresses. your body will never lie to you. and a lover's body will always be true when it comes to the effect of the one their soul has chosen to love. i know that because the first thing my body always says when it comes across you is how it can't breathe.
looking back, i see that the teaser i was most excited about was the one with the motorcycle. and i genuinely didn't expected it to come so soon. when i saw you... i don't know. my words were taken away.
it's that this concept just so perfect and well executed. it's something many people wished to see, but it's as if the fantasies have been perfectly translated into the photos with an authentic touch of baekhyun's personality as an artist. the fact that he has a mullet here is the cherry on top for this seductive biker who has everyone on their kness — me included. he invites you into a pleasant danger made by the adorability of his features embracing the ardency of what you know he can become. baekhyun is an anthitesys that owns the summit of every term used to praise him.
and once again, everything black! today and yesterday's ones are probably my favorite looks. i'm so happy with how perfect the outfits for this album are and how competently they are exploring the concept. it's always beyond my expectations.
the album details hasn't been released yet, so i'll probably see them when i wake up for the next teasers. i hope i can buy this album someday... let's start by witnessing the jouney that takes us to it.
with love, sarah.
p.s.: the leather jacket intensified your broad shoulders and yet left space for the cuteness of the fact that the sleeves are too long for you. you are so beyond my understanding.
march 23rd, 2021.
i'm writing this before going to sleep. although i have a fever and i'm probably sick, it feels so pleasing to lie down in your wonders and remember them before handing myself over the dreams. i think you came from one.
that's my way to say how ethereal today's teasers were... the unreal meeting of a man who is beautiful himself and a place that embraced his allurement and created an even more supernal view. the art that shapes him meeting the marine wonders that live in that aquarium. it's my favorite way of valuing the muse baekhyun is — interlacing him with a place that enhances him with its own beauty. the photos are a heavenly fantasy, very aesthetically pleasing.
as i love the concept of baekhyun as a merman more than anything else, the photos were also great ammunition for my daydreams. the thought that he's a merman who has been turned into a human and no one is immune to his reminiscent enchantment lives rent free in my head. maybe he's so ineffable that i have to resort to fantasy and i love how it gets me closer to the truth.
and i need to say, he was so adorable with the red coat! the fact that it's favorite color makes everything more special, not to mention how beautiful the clothes actually are. bambi is serving looks with every single concept and i can’t get enough of admiring how everything is so beautiful and worked with refinement. wherever i look, there’s art whispering baekhyun’s essence. and i get drunk, poisoned with fascination.
as i always say, i have no idea what i will see tomorrow. but i know that you will be dreamy and i will fall in love with you. because that’s our delightful enchantment.
with love, sarah.
march 24th, 2021.
cardi b said these words a few days ago: "i got no words. actually i got a lot of words but i can't type it all." and i think it's worth mentioning the queen because that's how i feel right now... i thought about so many ways to start this. but even though words are a vast empire, they are still an empire that serves a man who is above them.
you are the delightful enchantment. and i’m just a lover who admires you.
the teasers were beautiful in their essence — just baekhyun (and all that name stands for) being gently touched by prismatic lights. they explored the simplicity of this concept so well that the result is paradisiacal. magical. extraordinary. you have to have come out of a fairy tale... from pages of fantasy and ethereal clouds, nuanced with the colorful kiss of heavens. how can a profane creature touch the celestial so easily?
tomorrow is already the first mv teaser. i don't think i'm prepared... honestly, i don't even know how i managed to survive this far. it's that feeling that you thought you would have enough time to get ready for something but in the blink of an eye that thing is tomorrow and you remain unprepared. it's the first time that your voice will bring honey notes to an instrumental... will it be the same as the mood sampler? to think the chapter that has the answer is ahead...
with love, sarah.
when this teaser came out, i was on my way to the hospital and due to the several medications i started to take i wasn't able to register my thoughts here before. this was written on march 26th.
march 25th, 2021.
something was whispering in my ear to hold my words for this day. not because i would have them, precisely because i wouldn't. i knew that no speech about being speechless towards you would be as true as the one after watching the first mv teaser.
i usually don't think about anything when the content is a few moments ahead. i hand myself over your hands and let your splendor genuinely control my heartbeat. but nothing i ever dared to imagine could touch what you brought to life in that video. nothing. it was so different from my abstract and uncertain daydreams. you caught me way off guard and i think i've never felt so astonished.
you, dressed in black under that hat, outlining art with your silhouette.
i think no one was waiting for a teaser with a pure aura of performance. the scenes of you dancing were impactful enough to bloom an unforgettable and spetacular impression when it comes to the performance even if it's not what the mv is fully about. the gothic and classy aura of you under the shadows and making everyone needy to contemplate more of you but already appreciating the view of your body becoming one with the gloom. art more than anything else.
my expectations have been surpassed with such elegancy that i'm still trying to convice myself that this is not a hallucination — it just feels so unreal. i have always been a true lover of dance... i feel like you've translated a sleeping part of my heart that even i didn't know i wanted to see awake so bad. you dressed yourself with daydreams and gave them a touch of your name and singularity. i repeat with my tiny lungs that bambi is an unprecedented art, because i've been witnessing your grandeur for years and have never seen something so extraordinary.
the word bambi sounds so powerful and melifluous through your lips.
with love, sarah.
march 26th, 2021.
as if he knew i was needy to drown in the shadows, the heavily cloudy sky sent their embodiment once again. a muse whose intensity shines under golden tones and yet can tune into the gloom, just like venus reigns in the night's palette.
having the pleasure of admiring the same baekhyun from yesterday was a joy — also because i was there to see him this time. it's authentically one of the best visuals he has ever presented. the outfit itself has a superior touch that makes his presence reverberates singularly. it's hard to forget. it's hard even to believe.
saying that i'm obsessed with the gloves is an euphemism. saying that i'm obsessed with the whole look is an euphemism. it's intimidating and impactful in a way that catches you in his spell. the danger is dressed in black, but he looks so fucking hot that's the only thing your senses care about. good for them.
changing the subject, all the songs descriptions have been released. time to bet! i think i will be very addicted to "bambi", but the tracks i am most curious about are "privacy" and "cry for love". the last one sounds like a song which requires depth to be overflowed through the verses and this is a fact that always catches my attention because baekhyun is the perfect person for that. to think that the highlight medley is closer than ever... i'm already so in love with this album.
i can't wait to hear his voice and what it has to say. but since we have to take baby steps, let's start by saying that i can't wait to see him tomorrow.
with love, sarah.
march 27th, 2021.
i've probably lost my credibility after letting the same sentence slip so many times through my lips, but what can i do if your fingerprints keep touching my heart where no one else can? the second glimpse of the mv teaser was as beautiful as the first one.
the son of apollo who was blessed with the alluring beauty of the goddess aphrodite — a boy with his leather jacket and glowing skin as if it were painted with pure gold. what an inebriating enchantment that it is to dive into his details, drunk of the aureate warmth which outlined each one of them. are you lying on the planet venus? my heart can't refuse someone from whom i can't take my eyes off.
either no one thought about me when they decided to give you a white shirt under the black jacket or they thought too much. you remain alive in my mind and melting me with your mellifluous tone and your dark grown hair. i want you to never leave until you are entirely engraved at the most sensitive corner of my intrinsic.
since these were the last teaser photos of this era, now i can give a definite idea of how wonderful they were. i've been with baekhyun since before he debuted as a soloist, but i've never seen this aura of something so unreal that genuinely embraces reality and not the other way around. everything was mainly dreamlike and always painted with a distinctly artistic touch. dreamlike. as if baekhyun had already taken advantage of everything the profane could offer, so he reached the heavens and began to work the divine to emanate his nuances. and my goodbye holds them for the eternity with the feeling that the best of each individual concept has been brought. they were so well valued in every aspect possible that it was satisfying to live their releases. i will miss them so much...
tomorrow is the event i'm most scared about: the highlight medley release. i don’t even need to explain — a whole video giving a preview of every single track. it will be the first time that i will hear baekhyun's voice for longer than a few seconds and will know how the other tracks besides bambi sound. i have no idea what to predict or expect. literally no idea. my heart is open for whatever he prepared, ready to be dyed with the addicting melody he dedicated his all to.
ah, the clouds are getting darker. something dangerously outstanding is waiting for me.
with love, sarah.
march 28th, 2021.
the sounds room is always an event of greater magnitude than i think i can handle. even if i barely dare to predict something, the naked canvas that is my mind always has its expectations in the clouds — because i blindly believe that you will take me there. and i know it must be a responsibility, but even the clouds i expect to touch are replaced by stars dangling even higher in the universe.
i like how the highlight medley is called "sounds room". and you are always in a room full of sounds that we are all hearing for the first time, uncharted melodies for us to embrace with wonder. they will sound so familiar in a while. and there is poetry in this first contact when our hearts are not yet used to them.
"privacy" was so divergent from my expectations. the jazz vibe embodied in your voice was so dreamy that i can see lights sparkling whenever i listen to it. the song you claim because it seems bright with a genuinely beautiful touch. a free and gentle pass to heaven.
"cry for love". this one made my jaw drop. i was expecting something plainly melancholic because of the similarity with "love again", but i was received with a sensual instrumental where you voice was lying with an intensity that invited my body to move. that's my favorite kind of song! it was such a pleasant surprise! i was already interested in this one because of what the lyrics was proposing, and now i'm intrigued with how the verses will come to life.
"love scene"... if you could see the bright smile on my face when i recognized the instrumental that i was obsessed with in the mood sampler. everything about this song is intense in a seductive and enticing melody melting me slowly. of course i'm claiming this one to be my favorite.
me and "amusement park" already met, right? it was the one that gave me a moment to just happily rise my hands while i was listening. this song is pure honey and its presence in the tracklist is an adorable refreshment. she has friends now!
"all i got" was outstanding for everyone — including the rest of the industry. i don't think i've ever heard your voice reaching such high notes before. my first genuine thought was literally "oh my god, he ended ariana grande right here and right now. that's why they need to make a feat." after hearing it a few more times and leaving the arms of the shock, the mellifluous light that embraced your voice made me wonder what happens before you reach those notes.
"bambi". my dearest title track! another which instrumental is claiming a spell that is manifested whenever you say this word with the most melodic beauty possible. i feel an addiction coming and i can't wait for you to come melt what's left of me.
relishing those experiences while contemplating your heavenly face brought me such a pure happiness that i felt like a child. knowing that the boy who showed incredible vocals today is the one i chose to love makes me so proud. but more than anyone else, the one who should be the most proud is yourself. the songs are so beautiful.
tomorrow is the last teaser before the album is released. the last glimpse which announces the first look at a masterpiece. i. just. can't. wait.
with love, sarah.
march 29th, 2021.
the last day had to be a roller coaster emotions to take me properly into your arms. i walked with glimpses in comparison to the plenary vastness that i will see the minute i put my eyes on your masterpiece, but the depth with which the feelings they blossomed here throughout these 10 days embraced me was a whole experience. tomorrow will be like coming from a hug to another hug.
the flower of the last mv teaser was intense as i've never felt before — and i thought i was mastering this word after so many days. you held the pacience with which i was waiting for you and offered it an embrace so breathtaking that it left me disoriented and needy to the point that even the thought of waiting one more day was almost stressful. i needed to hear the entire song. i needed to watch the full mv. i need that now. that was the only stream crossing my mind. this necessity because you’ve come across something so wonderful that it embraces your profane and sensitive senses.
the whole cinematic production was astonishing. everything was so beautiful that i don't know where to start — i would probably start to mention every detail to express how incredible each one is. you hanging on that train while singing in the rain as if you came out of a dramatic movie. your completely wet hair. your wet white shirt. the dark aesthetic. and my favorite part: the lights exploding like fireworks. i feel like bambi is going to be a mv that invites you to a whole experience sung and starring you. not just a visual production that gives some colors to a musical production. both are intertwined in such a deep and impactful bond that it turns everything into a legit experience. and my unprepared and vulnerable heart is so ready to live that experience.
to be honest, i can't believe i will finally be able to contemplate your entire work in a few hours. i don't feel anxious. just happy. as if i were in the clouds, about to know where you came from. and i hope your heart is the most joyful of the entire world under us.
i'm already so proud of you.
with love, sarah